Well Well Well...

Hey everyone. I know, I know its been the longest time ever since I've blogged but I havent had computer access. No Mike didn't get rid of his, I just moved out and we seperated. I'm still in shock because I never thought it would happen to us but it did. You see we started fucking up real hard and the abuse continued. One day he left for Reno to do some work. Well this guy I know who was a dealer (and not of cards) came over with his girlfriend and wanted me to help him sell some shit. Well I already had plans to take my kids out for pizza. So this guy and his girlfriend came with me. Anyhow Mike found out that I had these people over and Mike along with this other guy had some not so nice words over the phone. This guy told Mike that me and him had fucked in Mikes bed. So to get even, Mike went to a whore house in between Vegas and Reno. So to make a long story short, Mike had the locks on our home changed so I couldn't enter. So I moved in with this other guy and Mike took the kids from me, which compleately killed who I feel I used to be. Apart of me will always be dead for not getting to see my beautiful babies every morning. Shit sometimes not even days and its making me this dark, evil beast. I want to come home so bad it actually hurts to the point of tears streaming down my face everyday and I find I want to harm myself. I cant live without my family. They were my whole life. All my happiness and sunshine. All my stars and heavens. Thats like throwing a newborn baby out into the wild and saying- Ok, now live. It will slowly die day by day. As I feel I slipping into. I also think Michael has moved on wither he tells me or not, I feel what I feel. If he hasnt moved on, then theres atleast someone whos caught his eye which totally crushes me. I've dropped this other guy whos now this compleate stalker and wont leave my life alone. I want my husband and children back. I will flip if another someone is playing my role in this family. I'm the only one who can care for my kids. Only I know what they like to watch and the way they like to be tucked in and the way they like their baths. Dont even get me started on Mike. I know him better then he even knows hisself even if he never wants to admit it. Anyhow I hope your lifes are better then mine. I hope to blog again real soon...